The Lady Bug and Green Tea

I lay on my side in the daybed, drinking a cup of green tea, with my grandmothers quilt covering me and a twenty pound, longhair, grey tabby laying at my feet. His name was Lucky and he was my protector. I was finally finished with the radiation treatments and it was time to reflect, on life I suppose. I sat the cup of tea down on the table next to the bed and a ladybug found her way to its edge. I began watching her make her way around the edge of my tea cup. She just kept going around and around. I felt sympathy for her because I have been there myself. Not on the edge of a tea cup, but going around in circles just the same. She could not see very far and I am sure the cup seemed huge and there was no end to it. There were no corners to turn, no left, no right, no up or down. I lay there, just watching her, wondering how many times she would keep traveling around the edge. Then in one moment she flew away, off to another exploration I suppose. I was so excited for her and for me, because I knew that I was spreading my wings and flying off to begin a new exploration also. Thank you little ladybug where ever you are for inspiring me to let go of my endless journey and fly away to a new land.

Finding My Own Voice

Funny title. Do I have my own voice? If I don't, then whose voice do I have, or do I have a voice at all? Scary thought. Maybe that is why I stopped writing. I lost my voice. What I do have is a steady droning deep down in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away. A interesting point is that when I stopped writing, I stopped talking. I have never been much of a talker. My brain just doesn't work that way. My thoughts get all tied up with my tongue. I was born the youngest of a family of five children and I was the only girl. While growing up, no one around me thought I had anyhing interesting to say, so I didn't talk much. I did sit around and daydream quite a bit. My Mother was grateful because I was so quiet. I think all of those hours of daydreaming have finally caught up with me. I have got to do something with all of these dreams in my head. My problem is that I don't know where to begin and shouldn't I be doing something more useful like working a third job, tending a garden or taking in stray animals. I have got to work this out. I hope I can eventually get my voice back or atleast be able to write it, read it and recognize it as my own.

A Different Perspective

Some days I drive madly down the winding country road from my house to town. In the early morning there are sleepy birds who tend to fly low and when I am frantic, I almost hit a few, especially if I am driving fast. Lately I have been soaking in the spring and taking my time. Yesterday I was driving down a country road by the lake on my way to a painting job and I looked out my side window. There was a small bird gliding along side of my truck. We were going the same speed and then it flew gracefully across the front of my truck and crossed to the other side. I watched its journey from beginning to end and there was no near death experience, only graceful sychronicity with a fellow creature. I thought to myself, wow, what a different perspective. If I get in to much of a hurry, look at what I miss, the best part of the journey.

Within Myself

This is where
The big things start,
A quiet room,
Wrapped within a thought.

In this place,
The darkness ends.
I see myself,
And my life begins.

This is where
The magic lives.
This is where I am.
A sacred light
Has led me here.
This is where I stand.

This is the place.
No where else.
I have found life's strength
Within myself.

Written by S.M. Leisinger

Simple Life

I live a simple life. I like it that way. I enjoy getting up in the morning and watching the sun rise. I was diagnosed with Hodgekin's Lymphoma 10 years ago and the first thing I did on the drive home after I was told the news was pray to God that I could live because I would miss the sun rise. I am not sure if they have sun rises on the other side of existance, but sun rises are all I know. Something inside of me changed significantly on that day and I have not seen the world the same way since. On my 5 year check-up my oncologist told me I was cured. He also told me that when I die it will be because of something else besides cancer. I am very grateful. I have returned to innocence and plan on living the rest of my life watching the sun rise and letting the beauty of this world shine through the shadows of pain and suffering.